Admit It To Yourself
by Lilly Rae
Summary: AU...Everything after the episode 'White Lines' never happened. JudeXTommy. Will Jude finally admit to herself that she's in love with Tommy? Rated T for somethings that were 'suggested' 'wink,wink'. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star, or anything that has to do with it. Though I DO own with story and the lyrics at the beginning of the story, I own those. Please don't steal them, I worked really hard on them. I hope that you enjoy this fanfiction.**

"_Take me as the real,_

_As what I really am._

_Not a fake,_

_Not a lie,_

_Just take me as the real_

_Take me as the real deal,"_ I strummed the last cord with a sigh. I had been thinking a lot about Tommy lately and music didn't seem to help as a distraction.

"Nice song," I heard a familiar voice say from behind me. Well, speak of the devil…or rather think of the devil.

I didn't even bother to turn around as I said, "Good Morning Tom."

"What's with the sudden coldness?" Tommy said as he swung in front of me.

"Nothing, nothing different than always," I said flatly.

"Oh really. And would this 'nothing' have anything to do with _Jamie_?" he accused icily.

I glared up at him. "No, it does not have anything to do with Jamie and even if it did it would not be any of your business," I barked.

"Jude, it has everything to do with me and I believe that it also has something to do with that little lost puppy of a boy who follows you around almost everywhere," he shot back.

I narrowed my eyes at him, getting up and pushing him out of my way as I left.

"So, what's with the bad mood lately around Tommy?" Sadie asked as she came over to me, coffee mug in hand.

"Hmm…it might have to do with the fact that he is being the biggest butt in the world."

"How is complimenting your song being a butt? And before you ask, yes, I did hear your little conversation."

"Jude, what's really up?" Sadie asked, leaning against the countertop. I let a frustrated sigh, there was no way that I could just tell her, my older sister, _his_ **ex-girlfriend**. It went against everything, and I mean everythi-

"I think that I'm in love with him. I mean head over heels, chorus singing, mind blowing, knock you down, take your breath away, Romeo and Juliet, Elizabeth and Darcy, Rose and Jack, completely and utterly **in love**," I spilled, tossing away all of the things that were telling me not to. Sadie looked at me calmly, not looking surprised in the least.

"And? Your point?" she said.

"Just told you. I'm in love with Tommy. As in Lil' Tommy Q, Tom Quincy, your ex-boyfriend."

"Yeah, we all knew that. Come on, what else is it?" Sadie said, brushing it off as nothing, my biggest secret!

"That's it and it's driving my crazy! I can't stop thinking about him. And then every time I'm around him I make a complete jerk out of myself!" I flopped down on to one of the couches with a huff.

"Jude, you don't act like a jerk all of the time, most of the time you just act like a dork," Sadie said, and then noticing the look I was giving her, she said, "In a sweet and endearing kind of way though."

"Yeah right. Oh and let us not forget about yet another snags in this little web of mine, I'm SEVENTEEN! Yeah and the six year age difference, of course that makes absolutely no difference. I mean come on, Sades, if I haven't warded him of with all of my jerky and dorkiness then the age thing is a definite no for us…even if I don't want it to be."

"Jude, you should be right about the whole age thing…but, when you love someone then it shouldn't matter. And plus…I won't tell Mom and Dad about you guys…if you don't tell them about me taking Kwest to the house, alone, and doing nothing that could really be considered talking," Sadie said, blushing at her confession.

"Sadie! You should NOT be telling me this. It's WAY too much information," I said, shaking my head trying to block out the nasty images that were now popping up into my mind.

"What is too much information? And do I even want to know?" Tommy said coming up behind us. Why does he seem to be coming around EVERYWHERE?! I thought angrily to myself. God! Now I'm getting a migraine.

"Oh, I'd be happy to tell you. Though it'll leave you scarred for life. But you see even though I temporarily hate you right now I'm not going to inflict that kind of emotional trauma on you right now, seeing as I have a major migraine. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find something to get rid of this," I said angrily getting up, ignoring the looks that Sadie was giving me.

I leaned my head down on the countertop, relief coming with the coolness of it's surface. "Ahh, finally something that's calm," I said with a sigh, relishing the feeling of it. I seriously needed to take a vacation. That's it, a vacation to the beach. A vacation to the beach and away from all of this drama, I thought to myself, moving so that my forehead was against the cool surface more.

"Long day so far?" Kwest asked from above me. I lifted up my head slightly to look at him and nodded.

"You don't know the half of it. I have been scarred from life, had an argument over nothing, got a HUGE migraine, and tried to come to terms with the fact that I just realized that I am undeniably in love," I said with a sigh, resting my head back on the counter.

"Sounds like a lot, and all right in time for lunch," Kwest said with a laugh.

"Yeah, that's really funny. It'll be even funnier when I clock you upside the head," I said, swatting playfully at him.

"Hey, I'm being attacked!! Someone, help! Blondie's gone bad!" he laughed.

I rolled my eyes.

"So…you finally admitted to yourself that you're in love with Tommy. I can't believe that it took you this long," Kwest said after a moment. I looked up at him in shock.

"Sadie told you didn't she?! I'm going to kill her," I growled under my breath, vocalizing the only possibility(to me) that he could have found out.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, she didn't say anything to me. It's just, it's so obvious that you two love each other that it's not even funny," Kwest replied, leaning against the island counter.

"Argh! Could this day GET any worse?!" I said in frustrated tiredness from all of the stress.

"Well, you could be locked in a room with him."

"Locked in a room with whom?" I heard Tommy ask from behind me. _GOD! NOT __**him**_, I thought to myself.

"Oh, nobody. The love of her life that she doesn't want to know that he is the love of her life," Kwest said. Tommy tensed up, and faked a laugh.

"Ha, ha, who's the poor guy, Jude?" Tommy questioned, an edge on his voice, with a shaking laugh that I could tell he was straining to push out.

I huffed, putting my chin on my hands that were folded on top of each other on the table. "None of your business," I grumbled darkly.

"Moody today, aren't we?" He said, and I could tell that he was just trying to start something.

"I'm no worse than you are 55 of the time, good you're like a petty little overly dramatic princess who's out to get the world," I said harshly. "Now then, if you think that I'm 'moody' then I might as well go then." And with that, I trudged off.

I sat out on the fire-escape/alley, strumming my guitar. It is ironic that I would choose _there_ to hide from him, denial of the fact that I loved him, to hide in the first bloody place that he kissed me.

But, it did help to have a place to go to mull over my thoughts. Of course, it brought back hordes of memories from the night of my Sixteenth Birthday, most of which I wished to remain buried in the back of my mind, to forget them completely.

"Time to be your only one  
To almost be you're way too young  
Time to crash into the sun  
Time to be your 21  
Time to dream that love with last  
Time to drive my car too fast  
Time to walk before I run  
Time to be  
Ohh time to be your 21," I sang under my breath.

"It's been a long time since I've heard you sing _that_," I heard Tommy say from behind me. God, I had been so caught up in the moment of singing that I hadn't even heard him come out.

"Yeah, it's been awhile since I've been out here like this," I replied back.

"It was nice…to here you sing like that again. You seem to be down lately," he said, coming to sit down on the edge of the escape beside me.

"A little bit. I'm fine though, really," I said, though even I wasn't convinced by my words.

"Right, and I'm sure that Kwest's little…confession on your part had nothing to do with the fact that you were ready to bite both his and my head off," he said with a laugh. I joined him, laughing a laugh soft enough to almost be considered a giggle.

"That's the first real laugh that I've heard from you in awhile. It's good to have you laughing again," he said. I sighed, feeling the relief from my laughter flow through me.

"It feels good for me too," I said in agreement, smiling as I leaned back on my hands.

"You _look_ good, too," Tommy said, not bothering to look ashamed at his confession. "But…Seriously, I still want to know who this mystery guy of yours is."

I let out a tired sigh. "Well, you know him. Extremely well, I might add."

"That's not any help. The only person who fits that is Kwest and I KNOW that that's not it."

"Well, you're right on that account, it isn't Kwest. But, it isn't someone that I could ever tell them the truth. You see, they used to like me that way…but, I think that I ruined it, and now I don't think that I have the chance to make it right," I said cryptically with a sigh.

"I bet you could. Because if he gave up on you that quickly, he wasn't worth it in the first place," Tommy said.

"You don't know what or who you're even talking about. How can you say that?" I snapped.

"I should think that that would make you feel better."

"I MEANT YOU!! YOU'RE the one that I'm IN LOVE with," I practically yelled at him, catching him off guard.

He stared at me, mouth hanging open. I turned away from him, blushing. "Oh my god, I can't believe that I just said that," I muttered under my breath. An uncomfortable silence hung around us and I felt as if my face was going to burst into flames. Finally, I felt an arm wrap around me. I turned and looked at him, questions in my eyes.

"Jude, I love you, too," he said smiling widely at me, leaning over and giving me a quick kiss. I blushed good naturedly, leaning in and giving him a better, longer kiss…

_**Fin**_


End file.
